Today, while rereading "The Coincidence of the Arts", just one of Martin Amis's brilliant and amazing short stories, I was moved again to spit (not literally) on Simone de Beauvoir's grave. I was thinking about the idea of service and devotion and how these are the glue that binds and also the waves that churn true and right Buddhist behavior. For a while, I've considered sending an email to one of my old professors about Kazuo Ishiguro's "The Remains of the Day", because I think that it is an incredible and morally interesting example of absolute devotion. They should teach it at Naropa. Anyway, suddenly, in the midst of a Martin Amis word-reverie, a thought came over me, and I realized that, in marriage, you must be the best servant of your spouse that you can possibly be. Marriage is fundamentally an act of devotion on both sides and anyone that complains about women having the short end of the stick is probably missing something. Men are more gravely misunderstood than women much of the time. Women are traditionally expected to be the housekeepers and stay-at-homes. Okay. But that doesn't necessarily mean that men go off and have a high time of it every day bringing home the bacon and doing whatever they choose. Men are as much subject to the rules of society (written by the warty, gossipy aunts in the sky) as women. Only different things are expected of them. When we had to read "The Second Sex" in college, it really pissed me off. Here was this whole book about how women are mythologized and put-upon and worn down, over time, into their roles. They are the servants and Cinderellas of humanity. But men have just as many ideals to live up to and just as many stereotypes to overcome! Marriage is threatening to some people because they think that it is an antiquated legal agreement that has more to do with property than with absolute devotion from both parties. But, in my life, from both sides, it is mostly about being the best companion you can be to someone that you love enough to do right by at all times. To treat, completely, someone else as you should want to be treated yourself. Patiently, enthusiastically, lovingly. That, and once in a while putting up with a movie that takes place on a submarine.
